online JOURNAL

30 September 04
As of last Saturday, I have a new haircolor(s)! I needed something new to combat how normal it had begun to look, and thanks to the lovely Susan my hair is now reddish-mahogany and blonde.

In 2002, after being That Fuchsia-Haired Chick for eight years, I decided I was done with having funny-colored hair. So I did something drastic by chopping off a foot of hair and going to a (not necessarily my) natural color. Now, a couple of years later, I again feel the need to have more dramatic hair.

It took quite awhile for me to decide I wanted to move away from long, fluorescent pink hair. I was so used to standing out in a crowd and having my hair speak for me, that I feared I wouldn't be noticed if I looked "normal". As it turns out, those fears were unsubstantiated and the attention I eliminated was the attention I didn't want in the first place. (Although I do admit I miss going into a club and having my hair glow under the blacklight!)

I'm already thinking about what I should do next :)

26 September 04
The only nice thing about waking up really early is watching the sky turn from pitch black to almost black to deep navy blue in the east, and then watching that blue spread across the sky until eventually a glowing orange orb peeks above the East Bay hills. I got up early to give my parents a ride to the train station; now I'm home and feeling somewhat productive, albeit tired after less than five hours of sleep. I'll need to nap before people come over for dinner tonight, but in the meantime I'll try and get some homework done.

My current homework project is a paper outlining the relationship between estrogens and breast cancer. PubMed is the definitive resource for published papers from virtually every scientific field, and it pointed me to a couple of papers in particular I wanted to read in full. As luck would have it, I live only a couple of miles from the best medical library around. I had been to the library before when I was working at UCSF, but only to take naps in their big, overstuffed chairs. Yesterday was the first time I used it in a research capacity.

I love books, reading, sciences and knowledge. So when I walked into a multi-story building with all of the above, where one entire floor was dedicated to decades of hardbound, archived scientific journals, I got a little tingly inside. Maybe admitting that puts a big "NERD" sign over my head, but I still thought it was neat.

Now to get some more work done on that paper.

24 September 04
I walked out to my car this morning on the way to the gym, barely missing a parking ticket. I pretty much slapped the DPT troll's claws off my car as I got to it. Then I get inside the car to discover some fucktard had destroyed the passenger door lock in order to break into the car. They didn't take the stereo but they did take the $2 in quarters from the ashtray.

It's not like we live in a bad neighborhood. There are no homeless people and no visible miscreants around. And why on earth did they pick my car? It's 13 years old, dirty, dinged up, and the trunk lid is still damaged from when someone stole the spoiler off it a couple of years ago (yes, they really did that) - in other words, it's not a nice looking car.

I have no tolerance for people who violate the rights of others - things like theft of personal property, rape, assault, etc. If it were possible, I'd be the first to take a heavy object to the head of thieves, rapists, assailants, etc. Repeatedly.

Anyway, after that violation I headed to the gym where I ran one mile and walked a second. My knee is starting to bother me when I do high-impact exercises, so I guess it's back to the no impact elliptical machine.

17 September 04
Oh, lest I forget, when I joined the gym they also gave me a box of "Healthy Snacks & Bars". The first ingredients in the bars are: "Corn syrup, high fructose corn syrup, calcium caseinate, sugar, fractionated palm kernel oil." The cookies are marginally better, but contain a preponderance of dairy ingredients.

"Healthy." Ha! I'm going to leave these on the street for homeless people to eat.

16 September 04
My days have gotten very busy. I'm trying to balance going to the gym with classes and homework, and it's not leaving me with much extra time during the week. Happily, my free time this weekend will be spent at Chillits, which I am looking forward to.

As part of my gym membership I get four sessions with a personal trainer. I thought this would be good to help me set up a new workout regimen as it's been a couple of years since I've done that for myself. Sadly, I was mistaken.

The trainer I spoke with could not answer the questions I had. I know what the words "aerobic" and "anaerobic" mean, and I know what that means at a cellular level. I wanted to know why one type of exercise is better for weight loss than the other, as well as what percentage of my workout should be anaerobic vs. aerobic. Her answer was, "Aerobic exercise is better for weight loss, and anaerobic is better for building muscle mass." Yes dear, that information is in every article about exercise. But WHY?

It gets better. Ms. Trainer also counsels clients in regards to nutrition. I told her I know a lot about nutrition, but I still wanted to know what percentage of fat/protein/carbohydrates a person of my build and activity level should eat. Her response was to parrot back phrases that, again, are basic knowledge. Not only was she not able to give me any useful knowledge, but she then handled me a lame "personal, computerized" diet plan that seemed to exist only to sell dietary supplements.

Man, I feel sorry for people who believe everything these personal trainers say. Sure, maybe they are knowledgeable about various types of exercises, but if most trainers are like this woman, they do not know about physiology or nutrition.

10 September 04
Last Saturday Frederick and I celebrated our second anniversary. (yay!) We spent a wonderful evening together, beginning with dinner at Harris'. The highlight of my dinner wasn't the food, however, but the wine. I had the best glass of wine I think I've ever tasted - a 1999 Syrah from Truchard Vineyards in Carneros, Napa Valley.

Check out this review:

"Not for the faint of heart, this exotic, multi-faceted wine ranges from pomegranate and blackberry to earth, dark forest, leather, bacon and tomato in character."

(If it's got leather AND bacon, it MUST be good!)

I've been looking online to find one or more bottles to buy, but the vineyard no longer has it. There is a store in Tennessee that's selling some, but they don't ship their products. (Why bother having an online store if people still have to drive to your shop to buy the item? Fucktards.)

Maybe I'll buy a bottle of the 2001 Syrah from the vineyard and see if it's any good.

9 September 04
The astute reader may remember that a couple of months ago I set some nutrition and fitness goals for myself. For the following three weeks, while summer school was still in session, I walked the three mile round trip between home and school five days a week. I was starting to feel the results of that regular exercise, but once school was out and my schedule changed I stopped walking.

To make up for that, I (re)joined the gym last week! I've been in the mood to run lately, so my cardio routine this past week has been to intersperse a few minutes of running into my treadmill walking, plus the occasional lap swimming. Well, today, after only one week at the gym, I was able to run one mile! This is a big deal for me - I never ran as a kid, and ran my first mile ever only a couple of years ago, when I was in really good shape and going to the gym five days a week for months at a time. Wheee!

Right now it's time to spend a couple of hours on homework, and tomorrow I'll go swimming again.

8 September 04
Last night I dreamt about Brunch Line Assembly*. It was an interesting, albeit weird, dream. When I woke up I actually thought about trying to organize some sort of BLA brunch in remembrance, but Wayne (the founder) moved back to the Great White North and the mailing list is long dead. I did a search and discovered that Netik still has the archives up, including some photos!

* BLA was a weekly gathering of club-type people who met for brunch every Sunday afternoon from 1995-99.

31 August 04
Don't you hate it when you *really* have a craving for something sweet (in this case, warm berry cobbler with a scoop of vanilla ice cream, where you can see the bits of vanilla in it, sounds wonderful) but there's nothing at all like that in the house?

Luckily, a glass of port makes a yummy substitute.

29 August 04
I'm pretty darned clueless about a lot of things.

I'm clueless about current events. I don't watch the news or read the paper, so most all of the news I hear is via friends. (The American media is too biased to have accurate information, anyway.)

I'm clueless about movies. I'm not a big moviegoer (I've only seen one movie in the theatre so far this year) so I rarely see trailers for upcoming films. And the little bit of TV watching I do, I do via the great and mighty TiVo so I never see commercials for new movies.

I'm sure there are more things about which I am clueless, but I'm clueless as to what they may be.

25 August 04
Wow, I'm going to be busy this semester. This is only the first full week of school and I'm already having to work. Luckily I like my classes. I'm hoping that once I adjust to my new schedule and get into the habit of doing lots of homework that I won't feel so swamped.

Physiology, of course, is going to be the killer. It's best described as a combination of Anatomy and Chemistry; a detailed look at how the body does what it does. Chapter Two is a summary of biochemistry, cell biology, cell reproduction and protein synthesis - topics we spent a couple of weeks on each last semester crammed into a couple of days. Luckily this is just review at this point.

Dealing with the complete opposite hemisphere of my brain is my Drawing class. We've spent an hour or two during each class this week simply sketching things. It's great! And to think I used to get in trouble for drawing during class :)

21 August 04
Well, it's currently about two weeks before Labor Day, and you know what that means, don't you? It means half of San Francisco is getting ready to head out to Burning Man. However, for the first time since 1998, this year I will be staying home during BM.

Don't get me wrong - I still think Burning Man is an incredible event without equal. I was completely floored by it the first year I attended, and subsequent trips have not let me down.

But it is time for a break. I just haven't been excited about BM since I organized the Black Rock City Coast Guard in 2002, and I fear that if I continue attending just because "it's the thing to do", it will breed contempt. Plus, school's already started and missing class would be quite detrimental at this point.

To everyone who's going: have a wonderful time! I hope to be back, refreshed, next year.

19 August 04
School started yesterday and I'm still trying to get back in the appropriate mindset. I only took one easy class over summer and I've had the past month completely free from school, so I've become accustomed to having a lot of free time. I think that's about to end; I wanted structure in my life, now I'm forced into it :)

This semester I'm taking three regular classes (Human Physiology, Basic Drawing, Public Speaking), plus one two-day class (Psychology of Eating, Food and Weight). Even though Physiology is the only real science class I'm taking this semester, it looks like I am going to have a lot of work in total. The fun part is the classes are so varied that they should exercise all parts of my brain.

I've never been very good at drawing so I'm looking forward to see how I do there. Luckily the teacher said he doesn't grade on your innate abilities, but rather, on the effort you put into the class and the improvement you show throughout.

Now I just have to settle into a good studying schedule.

12 August 04
I have spent a lot of time in the last week alone with my thoughts. To shut out the din of the sander I'd wear earplugs, and having them in would cause me to be very conscious of my breathing as it sounded quite loud inside my head. Since it was too loud to listen to music, my mind would zone out on the sound of my breathing and start wandering.

For some reason, in situations like this I find I often think about people I do not like. I'm not even sure why they enter into my conscious thoughts; maybe I'd recently heard their name or some news about them. But as my brain processes memories and emotions I tend to think about what is wrong with these people. (It stands to reason that since I don't like someone, something must be "wrong" with them, otherwise I wouldn't dislike them, correct?) I suppose that's human nature though, to set things straight in your own mind in order to rationalize your feelings.

One thing I realized yesterday - the people that kept popping into my minds were those whom I considered to be friends at one time or another, but are no longer, for whatever reason. I'm still not sure why they reappeared; maybe I have some unfinished business with them inside my head.

11 August 04
This is my last week of summer before school starts next Wednesday. "Summer," ha! Sure, there are sunny neighborhoods in the City (the Mission & Potrero Hill, specifically) but too much of San Francisco is blanketed in fog during the summer. It may look nice on postcards but if anything's going to drive me to live elsewhere, it will be the incessant fog.

I've finally finished sanding the woodwork! I'm taking a break from working today to let the wood patches dry and to let my sore hands rest. Thursday and Friday will be all about staining and painting; ideally I'll be finished and can be lazy for a couple of days next week as a reward.

I'm looking forward to being back in school. I enjoy learning, and I love the feeling of realizing that I've finally grasped complicated material. Mmmmmm.

9 August 04
I am procrastinating before attacking the living room project again. Three days with the sander, several hours each day, and I'm barely halfway done. I'm trying to remove what I assume is the original 80 year-old stain and it takes f-o-r-e-v-e-r. Let's see if 60-grit sandpaper works any better.

Have I already been up for four hours? Egads, where has the time gone? After waking, I got up and watched an episode of Good Eats, reinstalled the battery in my bike and rode it for the first time in six or seven weeks, then picked up a few things from the hardware store. Also, just finished up with lunch - butternut squash raviolis are teh yum.

Okay, it's Noon; off to work I go.

6 August 04
I'm not very good at being a slacker.

Right now I'm in the middle of a month-long hiatus from school. Normal students would have spent this time lolling about, but apparently I'm not normal (well, we all knew *that*). I've discovered that I feel lost without some sort of structure to my days. The last time I was unemployed I spent one day a week volunteering at the zoo, and four or five days each week I'd spend a couple of hours at the gym. Having something to do gave me a reason to get up and get on with my life.

Sure, I spend a day here and there lounging about, but I feel best when I keep busy. A couple of weeks ago we spent eight days travelling around the Northwest (pictures coming soon!), and this week I decided to start painting the walls and refinishing the woodwork in the living room. Three days of sanding later and I'm not even halfway done with the woodwork. Ugh.

In betwixt the acres of sanding and the incessant dust, there are some fun parts! For instance, on Wednesday I met my mom downtown, where we proceeded to do some clothes shopping for our respective men and then have lunch. While we waited for our table we sat at the bar and each had a potent cocktail. We were then seated on a balcony overlooking Union Square, the tipsy mother and daughter enjoying an afternoon out.

1 August 04
I like to cook. I also love good kitchen tools. Some of my latest kitchen purchases have been a Really Good Chef's Knife (probably the most important kitchen utensil one can have), my first piece of cast-iron cookware, and a great set of nested stainless steel bowls.

I've been using these constantly since their acquisition - the bowls for mixing and baking, the cast-iron pan for fish & chips (fries are very difficult to make at home and we're still working on getting it right) and the best steaks I've ever made, and the knife for just about everything. And I've just taken some scones out of the oven.

I need to have people over for dinner more often. This is fun!

On a completely unrelated note, what's up with Teal'c's hair?

29 July 04
A few doors down the street lives a group I call the White Trash household. Aside from the occasional overrevving of engines, they're pretty innocuous, if not stereotypical, neighbors - the overweight bumpkin always working on his car, at least one filthy-mouthed bar skank girl, the prerequisite pitbull, and the Other Guy.

I'm unsure as to how the Other Guy fits in to their particular social fabric. He is of average build with brownish hair and one of those bushy mustaches which connects to his bushy sideburns. He looks almost like a New England fisherman until you watch him more closely, when his torpid speech and staggering walk make him indistinguishable from a drunken homeless person.

Right now he's outside, observing another neighbor's mechanical work, drinking a Smart Water. I'll let you know if it works.

15 July 04
There are some things that are quintessentially San Francisco, like the delicious tang of crusty sourdough bread. I enjoy hearing the Tuesday Noon airraid sirens and the spaceship-like sounds of BART rushing underneath Mission and Market Streets. Whenever I see downtown from Upper Market or from the Bay Bridge, I fall in love with the City all over again.

Despite having been born here, I never lived in San Francisco until ten years ago. Circumstances had kept me in suburbia for too long. Then one warm Fall evening in 1994 I took Caltrain up to the City and found myself standing on Market Street downtown at 6 pm on a Friday night. I so enjoyed the hustle and bustle around me that I vowed to be a part of it, and a month later I was living in the Mission.

Today I had to run an errand downtown, and afterwards I grabbed a sandwich and sat in the sun on the steps at the corner of Market/Montgomery/Post with a few dozen other people, all of us eating our lunches and watching the world go by. It was another of those moments that made me realize just how much I love this city and how happy I am to be living here.

10 July 04
I'm sitting here feeling a bit sorry for myself. I haven't really done anything constructive today, the boyfriend's been napping all afternoon, and now it's Saturday evening and I'm bored and have no plans for tonight. I know many of my friends will be doing things tonight - either meeting with one another, going out to dinner, or maybe getting together for some drinks - and I wonder why no one ever calls us to see if we'd like to go out. Not that I would necessarily be in the mood to go out on a given night seeing as I often prefer to have lazy evenings at home, but then I'd feel guilty about not going.

Bah, I digress. This is most likely a hormone-induced case of melancholia which will soon pass.

Maybe I will waste the rest of the evening sitting in front of the television. Maybe I should find out what that new bottle of port tastes like.

5 July 04
For the last many years I've been on a quest to improve myself as much as possible. I have been trying to get into a good frame of mind and eliminate in myself those habits or traits which I do not find desirable. I've also been known to ask for constructive criticism from friends, because you can never see yourself as objectively as others. I think I've made a lot of progress, and as a result, I'm quite happy with the person I am. Quite happy in all respects save one, that is - I have been very unhappy with my physical self for quite awhile now.

As is typical of too many American females, my weight has fluctuated a lot over the years. When I was unemployed couple of years ago I used my copious free time to cook healthy meals and exercise regularly. As a result, I was in great shape and felt wonderful. Then I began the Job That Sucked Greatly. I was angry and depressed because I had to settle for a job I hated in order to pay the bills, and I began eating too much to console myself. Since I suddenly had much less free time, I also stopped going to the gym; consequentially, I gained twenty pounds and became out shape.

Anyone who has struggled with their weight knows the cycle - you're depressed about your body image so you eat which makes you gain weight which makes you more depressed so you eat. It really sucks, and it's a very difficult cycle to break. Even though it's been six months since I ditched the Job That Sucked Greatly it has taken me this long to get into the correct mental state to do something about it. A week ago Sunday I decided it was time, and since then I've been sticking to my resolution.

I've cut all hydrogenated fats, white flour and refined sugar from my diet, and I've gone walking (the first regular exercise I've had in two years!) six out of the past seven days. Weekdays I walk the three mile round trip to & from school, and yesterday I walked to several stores to do my shopping. I've only got two more weeks of school, so I'm also planning to rejoin a gym to continue and improve on my exercise regime.

I need to set short, attainable goals for myself, so my current goal is just to make it until the next semester starts in mid-August, then I'll set a new one.

4 July 04
Here I sit, ripping music. I'm about halfway through my CD collection and should be finished earlier than I originally thought. Surprisingly, I've only come across one commercial release that CDDB had not heard about (the 1990 Antler compilation "Somewhere in the Skeleton").

Naturally, I'm listening to stuff as I do this (alphabetically by song name, which results in an interesting mix), and you know what? I have a lot of great music! The sad thing is I either had never heard many of these songs before now, or I had only listened to them once or twice and didn't remember them.

I have other things I want to write about, but my thoughts aren't together enough to do that right now. In the meantime, maybe you'll enjoy this sample of poorly targeted keyword ads as much as I.